The Lay Off

My husband casually tossed a half-eaten bag of chocolates onto the couch where I was reclining. “I have bad news,” he said, awkwardly arranging himself onto the storage ottoman in front of me.

I was snuggled under a warm blanket, our kids finally asleep, more than ready to relax. But the half-masked look of hysteria on my husband’s face told me we were not done for the day. 

I braced myself, shoulders tense, brows furrowing above my eyes. “I was laid off,” he said. 

Clouds, my head filled with clouds. Dark, stormy rain clouds descending on our house once again. We’d been here before, in this exact situation, both of us wishing his words away. This time, like last time, I was completely unprepared. 

“They gave me ample lead time,” my husband continued, glancing from the bag of chocolates back to my face. I was unable to move, knowing chocolate couldn’t fix this situation. So he cleared his throat and softened his voice, “We are going to be okay.”

I wanted to reach out, to hold his hand and let him know I believed what he said. But all I could focus on was my own heartbeat pounding in my chest. All I could hear was the sound of blood whooshing around my ears. “I think I’m going to be sick,” I finally said. 

My husband nodded, knowing my stomach all too well. I raced to the restroom, each step causing my stomach to seize up with fear. I bent over our cheap laminate floor, my head hovering above the toilet seat. I breathed deeply, trying to hold onto the air. “We’re going to be okay,” I repeated his words to myself. But my body didn’t care. 

Ten minutes later, my stomach was completely empty. I took a sip of water from the sink and slowly made my way back to the couch where my husband was waiting. I eased onto the cushions, lifting my legs onto his lap. I leaned my head against his chest, and he tenderly tucked me in.

For a while we sat in silence, letting the sadness and uncertainty linger. “We’ve been through this before,” I eventually whispered. “We really are going to be okay.” 

Relief washed across his face, and he gently touched a kiss to my cheek. I covered us in the warm blanket and selected chocolates from the bag for us to eat. I pushed against the rain clouds, willing the darkness to fade away. Sitting side by side with my husband, I prepared to weather the storm once again.

Photo by Tim Hüfner on Unsplash